my boyfriend has crohn's disease

by andrea
(canada)

my boyfriend just found out that he might have crohn's disease. now he says he wants space cuz he wants to be home alone. i'm so worried, i want to help him, what can i do?

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My fiance' has crohn's
by: Anonymous

Just over 12 months ago I met the most amazing guy, in three weeks we will be married. My fiance' has crohns and has dealt with it for the past four years. Crohn's isn't easy, and neither is being in love with someone and watching them go through hospital visits, trips to emergency, mood swings, bouts of depression, fatigue or even surgery. In 8 months I have been to the doctors more than what I would have in my entire lifetime. The bottom line, he's worth it. He loves me, and obviously I love him, or I wouldn't have put up with so much misery. He's now moved states for me, because I was in his state studying Nursing when we were getting to know each other (no we didn't meet in hospital). The sea change has done him good, it's a different climate and he can't belive he's been here for 2 months and he hasn't needed to go to the doctors once. Just be there for your boyfriend, that's what I did. I hung in there every day knowing that I was in his life because he needed me. Space, and love are what these patients need. And A LOT of understanding. Your boyfriend is lucky to have someone who cares so much. I can't wait to walk down the aisle and see him standing there...as long as he doesn't need the toilet during the ceremony lol :-p
response to the gay man concerned for his bf
by: Anonymous

this is a very hard thread to navigate, I'm speaking to the gay man concerned about his bf medication. My bf takes humera he was in the study so its free otherwise its 3000 per two weeks. But it works and it has stabilized his mood and it doesnt hurt as much for him. It only hurts on shot days which are once every two weeks.
I don't know what to do when he's hurting...
by: Anonymous

I have been in a relationship with my 32yr old boyfriend for going on 6months now. I'm 23 and I feel out of my depth. We haven't had sex yet as we're a gay couple and it’s difficult to get intimate without hurting him or him hurting me. Last year he was diagnosed with Crohn's Disease and he's suffering big time. He gets the most awful flare ups and its almost as painful to watch as it is not to been able to hold him or touch him. He moved to Ireland from the UK in April and we met just afterward, he is still on the same medication and they don’t seem to be helping much at all. He's waiting to see a consultant but the appointment isn’t until Mid-January, which I hope makes a difference.... I also discovered when we were having an argument two weeks ago that I love him. I've never ever fallen for someone this quickly. I'm scared that he doesn’t feel something for me, but what scares me more he that he does and he’s going to push me away because of the crohns disease. Has anyone any advice... I feel like I’m drowning!
crohn's
by: Anonymous

My boyfriend has just found out he's got crohn's - after months of horrible tests - he seems so down and doesn't even want me to touch him - i am just so so woried about him - i just want him to realise that i will always be here for him no matter what, i understand how upset he must be - hes the nicest guy in the world and really doesn't deserve this.

Why did it have to happen to him ?? :(
be as supportive as you can
by: ADAM

I've had chrones for the better part of 5 yeras now.and it certainly does make you feel uncomfortable, especially around a girlfriend so he may be distant(in your boyfreinds case he wants to be alone, i did that aswell). it makes you feel some what embarrased only because you dont know what other will think about it but i have met a beautiful girl with an equally beautiful understanding to my chrones. it is an amazing up lifting feeling knowing that you have someone to talk to about it, a shoulder to cry on if you need it. and mostly someone who understands and is willing to support you.
so dont worry, he still cares for you but may be a little worried.
just be there for him and you will be OK!
be as supportive as you can
by: ADAM

I've had chrones for the better part of 5 yeras now.and it certainly does make you feel uncomfortable, especially around a girlfriend so he may be distant(in your boyfreinds case he wants to be alone, i did that aswell). it makes you feel some what embarrased only because you dont know what other will think about it but i have met a beautiful girl with an equally beautiful understanding to my chrones. it is an amazing up lifting feeling knowing that you have someone to talk to about it, a shoulder to cry on if you need it. and mostly someone who understands and is willing to support you.
so dont worry, he still cares for you but may be a little worried.
just be there for him and you will OK!
mine has it too
by: Anonymous

my boyfriend was diagnosed with crohns almost two years ago when i rushed him to the hospital late one night thinking he had food poisoning. he was in the hospital for two weeks [he had surgery] and while i was really scared then, everything is great now and the only thing is he just takes a lot of pills. my advice -- give him some space for now, but then reassure him that you aren't going anywhere. after that, just treat him the same as you always have and tell him that if he ever wants to talk about you're there but as far as you're concerned that doesn't change anything. one other thing that has helped us is just to be able to laugh about it a little - and to be very open with each other about it. just ask him at some point what he wants during a flare up -- space, TLC, etc and listen to what he says about this.
Boyfriend with Crohn's Disease
by: JoAnne

Having Crohn's isn't the easiest thing to deal with. But it will make you very depressed and you think your life is out of your hands. You feel like that you have no hope, due to the fact that they have no cure. Give him some space, but be there for him and watch that he doesn't get too down, because I did. I had only two days left to life when they found mine. Love him and be there for him but don't smother him.
Give him time to get used to the idea
by: Anonymous

Hi

I have had crohns disease for over 12 years. At first I was really depressed and just wanted to be on my own and feel sorry for myself. Bit strange but peoples sympathy made me feel worse. I had three small children with the youngest being just six months old. One day a clinic nurse said to me that she knew Crohns was pretty yucky cause she had nursed people with it. She said how do you feel today and I told her that I felt pretty good today but very down about having this disease. She told me always remember nobody has a guarantee that they will be here tomorrow and if you waste today when you are feeling good that would be a terrible shame. Sounds silly but she said to me if you were run over by a bus tomorrow you have wasted today when you feel good but worrying about something that you don't know if it will ever happen. It made sense to me and now I spend all the days I feel good smiling and try to stay optomistic when I'm not well (easier said than done). Give your boyfriend time to come to terms with his illness. The last 12 years have sometimes been not so hot but certainly I have had many more good times than bad. So chin up. Life is a gift. He may have the shits more than other people but he's still here and life can be wonderful.

Gillian in Australia (age 48)
relationships are hard!
by: Anonymous

its really difficult to explain how you feel, especially when you are first diagnosed with crohns. You feel very confused .. questions like 'why me?' come to mind constantly and you find trying to explain your symptoms to other people really embarrassing! If your boyfriends way of dealing with it is he wants space its best to let him have it. I know that is hard when you care about someone so much but if it is what he really wants? Make sure he knows you care, you dont mind hearing gross stories about wind and poo and when he needs you he will come to you.. hope that helps!
Boyfriend
by: Anonymous

Have Patience because crohn's disease is very embarassing. Learn as much about the disease as you can. Try to find forums on the computer where you can talk with others whom have a family member, spouse or friend with the disease. Be very supportive and give him the space he needs. When he says he needs space it may simply be that he is having stomach problems and my have to stay close to a restroom. It is a very life changing disease. There are different severity levels of the disease. I hope these websites below help you out.

http://www.ccfa.org/info/about/crohns
http://www.ccfa.org/info/brochures/?LMI=3.4
http://crohnsandme.com/Default1.asp

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