never know what to say

by emilia
(michigan)

my boyfriend has had chrons disease since before i might him. he hasn't had any serious gf's besides me. one of his "girlfriends" left him after a week BECAUSE of his disease. he was really embarrassed at first. but its been a little over 11 months now and he is comfortable with telling me, but i never know what to say when he tells me:
"i can't move"
"it hurts"
"i took my meds, but i cant take extra"
help please???

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Never know what to say NEW
by: Annette Young

Hi there Emilia,

Thank you for your post. I can really sympathize with your situation. Crohn's disease is such an aggressive and frustrating disease and when you are an onlooker seeing your boyfriend in such pain, it's truly horrible.

There is very little that you can do apart from to be there for him. Now that he has gotten over much of the embarrassment and you haven't just run away from him, I can tell you that your support and presence will make a huge difference to him. Going through all the negative effects of Crohn's on your own is no fun at all.

I am assuming that he is under medical supervision and that he is currently on medication. If his medication is not working then he needs to go back to his doctor and to ask for more help.

Because Crohn's is so aggressive, it does need to be supervised and monitored because it can get suddenly worse.

You can help him to change his lifestyle habits if he is doing something that might aggravate his condition. He should eat smaller portions of food and it should be easily digestible. You can steam or puree foods for example and he can have soups which will have all of the goodness but will be much easier for his system to handle.

If he is not eating well, then he may need vitamin supplements to top up his system. If he smokes or drinks alcohol, then he needs to stop as these are potential triggers. Stress is another proven trigger so if he can live as calm a lifestyle as possible then he may well find that the symptoms reduce a little.

I think it's great that you are willing to stand by him and help him at this difficult time, the good news is that crohn's disease can and does go into remission so this means it could suddenly stop affecting him for a period of time.

Do let us know how you both get on.

Best wishes,

Annette
Not much you can say
by: Nikki

Hi sweetheart.

my name is nikki and i have crohn's disease and although my current boyfriend is my bestfriend of 3 years. we have only just got together since i have been diagnosed.

he can only be there for me when i cant move wrap me up in a quilt and comfort me. wipe my tears away and listen to me scream. i cant imagine what he goes through. please dont let this affect your feelings for him. its hard i can say that we have our days where im a mess and he can not stand to watch me in pain. but he hugs me cuddles me in his arms and lets me know he is there and then asks me if there is anything i want or he can do. sometimes if its cramps in my stomach him just rubbing my stomach helps a little but a little is better than nothing in both our eyes.

i cant tell you what to say or understand what you feel but i can say we get hurt thinking that you sit there and are so helpless.


ox nikki
what to say?
by: Anonymous

I know how it is. My wife and son have Crohns and it's hard and you feel helpless, because theres nothing you can do, but console them. When my wife says she's hurting or can't move I just say, "oh my honey' or something like that, just to let them know you're there and and ask them if you can get them anything to mkae them more confortable. It's hard, but if you stay together, you'll learn. We've been together for almost 30 years, she's had Crohn's for about 25 years, so, it's a tough road, really tough, but I wouldn'rt be with anyone else.

Good luck and God bless

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